Friday, January 17, 2014

Future Not-A-Mom

News flash, not every woman wants or needs to be a mother!

For the not-a-mom(s) out there, I understand and support you.
A friend of mine from college recently married a very nice guy who makes her happy.  Their wedding was this summer, meaning that she is now getting the "so when are you having kids" idiocy.  I remember when I was in a long-term relationship prior to being with my husband and began getting these questions as we approached three years together.  It was perhaps only slightly less annoying than the "are you ever going to get married" or even "do you think he'll pop the question soon" that come from all sorts of nosey jerks.

Now, I know that when they are ready my friend and her husband will have kids.  They are both in agreement that they do want a family with children, but they also want to have time to enjoy just being a couple first too.  They are happy to be married and just making ends meet without having to worry if there will be money for food and diapers this week.  In a time when so many are just able to make rent and expenses, they both have school to pay for and as my friend said recently "I've been in school my entire life so far, can I just have a year off before needing to be a mommy?" 

The following is not meant to tell you how to live my advice, it is just some thoughts from one mother to somebody who is not ready or never wants to be a mother:

Enjoy your time off.  Enjoy being a single person or a couple before you are a group.  Enjoy being free of a baby as long as you don't feel ready to be responsible for a tiny person that needs every thought and action to come from you.  You are not being selfish when you say "I am not ready for kids!"

Being responsible for an entire person is something insanely hard to do.  Giving up part of your life to devote to caring for them, even when they drive you bug-nuts crazy, is not something to be taken on lightly.  Saying you are not ready to have kids means you are being honest about your maturity level and it takes a ton of balls to do that.
If you do choose in time to have kids, know that it is not fair for anyone to ever tell you "I told you so".  If anyone attempts to do that to you, I'm all for tossing a used diaper at their face or asking them if that means they are ready to babysit.  Your life is your own and it means being reasonable with your choices.  If you choose to just be Crazy Cat-Lady Aunt for your eternity that is a perfectly valid choice and your cats will love you for it.  Seriously, all house-cats are very PRO birth-control... just ask mine.

What you choose is what is right for you, so go with it!

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