Lucky, A Birth Story In Two Parts

There is a long debate on the benefits and risks of medication for pain management while in labor and the complications or interventions it requires.  Having had two very different births and done a large amount of research on the topic for each one (because medical knowledge evolves as new studies and options come available) I wanted to share my experiences and my thoughts on each method I experienced.


Just under three years ago my first son was born.  The pregnancy was a big surprise as I was on birth control and not showing signs until a regular doctor's visit to discuss the stress at work and my history of ulcers which revealed a positive pregnancy test in my blood panel even though I had not tested positive via pee-stick.

Pressed for time to get the first ultrasounds and tests done, I contacted a local OB at the closest hospital with a birthing center and learned my first hard lesson..."not all doctors like having involved fathers with lots of questions".  She would ignore him or answer in a sarcastic tone, and seemed put-out when he insisted on staying in the room to hold my hand as the did the highly uncomfortable first ultrasound with that horrible wand.

Just before my 20 week ultrasound we moved from New York back up to Maine, meaning I was able to transfer to the care of the OBGYN who had treated me for some long standing issues and knew my history already.  Here we were able to ask any question, get an honest answer, and feel confident that our baby was getting the quality of care we felt was deserved.

By the time our little boy was born, I was forty-one weeks and three days and so uncomfortable just trying to walk that the thought of it often made me cry a little.  When my ultrasound that week showed our son was still not yet 7lbs and there was some possible issue of being restricted because I had failed to gain any weight for the last six weeks of my pregnancy we agreed that it was time to accept that all the natural labor inducing tricks and home-remedy methods were pointless.  My doctor and I discussed the least invasive of ways to induce and arranged for me to be induced the following evening.

At 6:10pm the following evening they placed the first round of cervical ripening product (Cervadil) and my husband and I settled into our respective beds in the room in L&D.  Poor kind hubby, he had to sleep on the stiffly overstuffed couch while I was relatively more comfortable in my post on the hospital bed.

Unfortunately, my pushing for minimally invasive efforts to start things meant I went from only 1cm to 1.5cm in the course of the night.  By 8:30 the next morning I was bargaining for one more try with a cervical ripeness aid rather than something more drastic.  Thankfully they listened and with this round my body finally began to respond, getting the hint and moving into early labor without much issue.  I bounced on the yoga ball, walked around with my husband, and eventually sunk into the glory of the birth tub when the harsher contractions kicked in just after my water broke.

By 8:00 that night I was clearly going to have a baby soon and we made sure to call family and update them before people went off to bed.  Shortly after 9pm all three attending doctors were busy in deliveries in other rooms and the intern on her first night in L&D offered to check and see how things were looking before I hopped back into the tub for a bit more relief.  She declared I was about 7cm and most likely would hit transition soon.

For some reason I had it in my head that going to the bathroom would be a good idea before it was time to push.  I still don't know if perhaps it was some cruel trick of my body to mess with my plans, but I am once again so thankful my husband was standing just outside the bathroom door and quick enough with his reflexes that a dive to keep me and the baby from hitting the floor was not a futile effort on his part.  I remember crouching on the tile floor, looking up at the nurse who asked what was wrong and in a not-so-calm-voice tell her "I'm holding my baby's head!"

It was blur after that... they must have rushed me to the bed because I remember vaguely the effort to lift myself onto the birth bed and holding my husband's hand. I remember the nurse holding my leg for me and telling me to breathe, then her panic as I started to faint with the first push.  But somehow he took only three pushes and one pause as they moved his shoulders, coming out quiet but flailing and going straight to his father's waiting arms.  

Small, skinny, and having huge feet and wide eyes... my little man was perfect from his first breath. He's an amazing child, full of smiles and so bouncy and bright. When he began crawling, then walking well ahead of the normal timeline his father and I thought we had beaten the odds so perfectly.  We had faced a long battle just getting through my health problems and his pregnancy had come as a shock after so many years being told I was going to face a battle just trying to conceive.  And yet, there he was, perfect and giggly and bright as the sun in the sky after a long labor and un-medicated birth.



My recovery was a walk in the park, literally. Once we were released from the hospital after an extra day of watching because he was under weight and not latching correctly to breastfeed, I was walking almost every day.  Eventually I had to admit breastfeeding was not working because of sharp pains and bleeding from the breast, but until then I did my best and even after I investigated our options to find the healthiest, most natural choice for our baby.

Tomorrow I will share the full story of my second child's medically assisted birth and how it compares to my natural labor and birth of our first baby.  I want to do this with a clear head so that you can all see the difference and how each has merit.

Why I Immunize: Part II

The second in the long series here in My Messy Mom world on finding ways to protect our kids and supply reasonable choices for various health practices is about the medicine of healthy food.  While I briefly touched on this is about the medicine of healthy food.  While I briefly touched on this information in part one at the end under sanitary food handling, there is a wider range of things about food that need to be considered carefully.

Why I Immunize: Part II - Healthy Diet Choices

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." - Hippocrates

I cannot in all cases say that food is the only solution, but healthy choices can and do provide the benefit of less frequent need for medical intervention in some cases.  As parents, this becomes even more vital.  Our children are dependent on their parents for providing healthy foods and building a foundation for them at infancy.  This starts with the healthy weight gain and balanced diet of a mother in pregnancy, something I am working hard on at the moment while battling through unexpected complications as we approach the final countdown to delivery.

A classic food pyramid graphic as found at Orchard Advisors,
a great source for business blogs I read often.

There are hundreds of ideas on what is the best dietary choice, all with their own debatable facts.  Personal choice about the ethics of vegetarian or vegan ideals plays as strong a part in choosing meals as the desire to find something palatable to the tongue for the moment.  I will neither preach absolute veganism nor the more carnivorous path, but suggest that just like sugars and other ingredients a path of moderation be observed.  Please consult your health professional before making any drastic changes in diet and understand that while weight does play a part in overall health, extremes of any kind come with realistic concerns.

I'm a big fan of history and learn all kinds of ridiculous trivia through nerdy interests and this lends well to fun facts about the essential foods for avoiding disease.  One of those fun facts is helpful when discussing how proper food choice can directly impact developing a serious problem.
 

Non-scurvy carrying pirate with parrot.
ⒸAkelis Studios Photography 2013

Vitamin C is well known as an essential part of establishing a healthy immune system.  While there is no viable proof that increased intake prevents infection rates, the consensus of data does support a notable shortening of cold duration and severity.  While many mammals are able to self produce balanced levels of the micro-nutrients however many higher primates are unable to perform this action internally leaving it all to balanced diet with these delicious foods, my favorite being a strawberry-kiwi smoothie.

While overdose is rare, a well known historical disease is directly linked to deficiency in Vitamin C.  I am talking here about that bane of pirates everywhere... Scurvy! An interesting issue, it was common in sailors and pirates long out at sea with less access to fresh fruits and vegetables.  The primary signs of scurvy included such visible extremes that the romanticized images of pirate life now always include the rough, discolored skin and missing or damaged teeth.  Amazingly, this deadly condition has an exceptionally simple solution that was not known at the time and provides us with a great reference for how balanced diets are vital.

No matter your take on humans as omnivores or herbivores, the need for our foods to be free from harmful chemicals and excessive toxins like those found in some commercial farming.  Vegetation as food is key to our survival on this planet to feed the ever growing population.  For this reason I suggest learning about farmer's markets near you and community gardens where your direct requests or involvement can and will influence the produce.  There is on-going debate about Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) and their safety even though approved by the USDA.  Though I am far from perfect as a parent, I cannot support these things as the evidence of long term damage is far too overwhelming to be ignored and is often being silenced for financial benefit.

As for what types of produce to request, that might depend on your needs but here is a pregnancy friendly graphic I adore because it highlights the reasons for some cravings and alternative foods you may want to add to your diet if not already there.  My doctor provided me with an even more in depth version which has plastered my fridge since my first pregnancy and I am always writing in even more and I learn about homeopathic food treatments.

For those with a pre-existing condition ,there is a need to understand where dietary elements are found and how to maintain or manage. Celiac disease, diabetic issues of type I and II, and even heart disease risks can be treated with some modifications to diet.  While not all will be cured, the need to understand the individual needs of the body and food sensitivity is essential not just in allergic reactions but blood sugar and risk control.

Some foods can be removed from all diets without ill effects and to the benefit of all.  The ever popular soda is a great example of something over indulged in and proven to hold many harmful factors.  The largest issue in this area is the frequency with which children and teens indulge, building their risk for several issues. Another in this strain is the energy drink market which has grown to cover not just an occasional boost after sports to now claim a supercharged secret to get tired bodies through the day.  The two main risks are the excessive amounts  of sugars and caffeine packed into these two items. 

Sugar can be a tricky subject in general because it can be found in basically any raw or prepared food consumed.  Natural sugars found in fruits often take a beating because of lingering misinformation from one of the many pop-diet crazes of the late 90s.  What makes natural sugars different from additives and artificial sugars is their molecular make-up and the method in which the human body responds to them.  The sugars found in natural products is known as fructose and in moderation is not only safe, but essential in establishing and balancing blood sugars for regulating energy.

Table sugars, known as sucrose, are also made from plants such as beets and sugar cane with a long historical lineage that lead to some wonderful and horrible moments.  Sugar trade has long been linked to wealth and ":the sweet life" but molasses trade was at the root of much of the slavery circle.  Because natural sugars are best grown in warm climates and slow producing, the United States places high tariffs on sugar import and the search for affordable alternative sweeteners is a long standing one.

Corn sugars are popular in the United States as an alternative because of the government subsidy provided for farmers of this crop.  Similar to sucrose, corn based sugars known as high-fructose corn syrup which are created through chemical reformulation of the natural sugars in corn, are slow to break down and promote an unhealthy balances in the body including raising the risk of obesity related diseases which can cause disruption of organ function and even organ failure or death in extreme cases.  Additionally, corn is one of the most heavily genetically modified crops being produced and event chemically altered sugars made from that maize contains all the risks highlighted before.  With obesity on the rise a direct link is being drawn between the frequency of HFCS and other chemical sweeteners.

Food can be a serious issue in American households, with an estimated one in five children facing hunger.  While I cannot fix that problem with a single blog, and boy I wish I could, some of the things I share here are ones that can address helping our kids grow even with poverty looming.  We are low income family and receive some EBT/SNAP benefits to make ends meet.  They total out to about $1.97 per day per person in most states; not something most people could live on for a month, but it is something to start with when paying rent and heating bills can take every penny.

With a diabetic, a pregnant woman, a somewhat picky toddler, and an oft-times vegetarian in the house... we have a number of tastes and needs to consider.  I am also a bit of a "foodie" and spoiled by the fact that my husband worked as a chef and in fish markets so he has really wonderful skills with seafood and grilling.  My household is omnivore driven though we avoid excessive meat consumption and participate in most of the ideas below. It does make some of the healthier food choices much more difficult on us because home farming is not always an option in the land of year-round snow.  For now I make regular trips to my area farmer's markets, fishing centers, and a great little farm near our former apartment complex.

Some of the simple rules I have found work best over the years are this:

1. Avoid foods with a commercial.  Fast foods, sugary cereals, many chain restaurants, and pretty much any sports or soft drink you see flashing their product on television has less than wholesome ingredients under that label. 
2. Start the fruits early.  Over and over I hear from friends that watch my "Tiny Monster" how shocked they are that he will not only eat but ask for fruits and veggies as a snack and pass up chocolates and cookies.  Honestly, I think this is half luck and half parenting practice on our part.  When he's being good, he gets fresh strawberries or orange slices as a reward. 
   
   
3. Mommy is not a short order cook!  We make at least two vegetables with every meaty main dish and he is expected to eat a little of it all off his plate.  I don't force him to clean his plate, nor do I allow him to get away with eating nothing and then crying for a snack later.  On the rare occasions when we go out he is expected to display good behavior and eat what we order for him or it comes home in a doggie bag and he will be seeing it later.
4. Make it at home.  One of the most well known culprits for poor eating habits is the frequent thought that fresh or wholesome food takes too long to make and fast food is the only answer.  For years I worked retail-photography chain(s) in malls with a horrible menu of all the big name baddies for food.  I took to stopping at the salad bar in the supermarket and making a large salad with all the fresh fixings to bring home, then splitting it into Tupperware to bring to work.
5. Say no to the GMO.  Unfortunately simply buying "organic" may not avoid GMOs as the seeds are already altered before they ever reach the soil and do not require pesticides, making them ideal for organics.  Visiting local farmers and asking direct questions about the foods they produce is your best solution if able.  Other options will require research and sometimes cost more so it will need to be a choice of cost to reward.
6. Find a happy medium.  We could never go 100% vegan in my house, I'm too fond of my Italian heritage to forgo the joy of eggplant-parmesan or the deliciousness of gelato.  But in interest of health and budgeting we do at least one meatless meal per week.  I happen to be a big fan of the Moosewood Cookbooks that my mother used regularly while I was young and now own a number of veggie-friendly recipe folders of my own or refer to some great websites for new ideas.
7. Everything in moderation!  This phrase can be applied to a vast many evils, but food is a very good place to apply it.  My preferred demo of this dietary rule is alcohol consumption; specifically the very important topic of knowing that excessive drinking can cause disease and death, but limited amounts can actually promote positive health benefits in some cases.  While kids are too young to drink and should not be given alcohol, they are prone to over indulging in other things and learn from their parents.  Teaching skills like portion control and replacing poor nutrition items with positive food choices to make healthy eating natural from an early age.

Sleep Like A Baby

The next person who uses this phrase is going to have the joy of experiencing my semi-psychotic cackling first hand.  Honestly, anyone using that phrase has NEVER had the joy of having a baby.  

Newborns need to feed from either breast or bottle about every three hours, this does not change no matter the time of day for adults.  For this reason, and many others, you will notice sleep deprivation being a common link between all parents of very young children.  Let me explain is easier terms here...

Thanks to random images on Facebook for this one.

Babies know when you are attempting to sleep.  Young children wait until the exact moment when you have completely relaxed and faded into that first level of dreaming where you are caught between conscious and blissful nothing.  As your breathing slows, your muscles finally drop tension, and you stop processing thoughts clearly, that is when they strike... screaming like their hair is on fire and the world is ending.

It seems that post birth, the saying should be "sleep like a husband".  So many of my friends have said it seems like their men can sleep through anything, and now that our boy is older I agree.

I actually got very lucky.  On those early nights with our newborn it was hubby who gave him the night-time feeding while I sat hooked to the machine in the next room because even with the battery our pump model was so loud it could wake the dead.  It was only after our boy was in his own room all night and only waking once that he suddenly gained the ability to sleep through anything.

Sleeping like a baby seems to only happen in fairytales and movies.  I'm convinced that "sleeping through the night" is a myth too, but we all have our quirks.  The one with my boys (the tiny and adult sized one) seems to be only sleeping when I am awake.  Cool trick, really.

Pregnant Pants: Why I Hate Clothes While Expecting

I loath maternity clothes.

I'm one of those women who always has trouble bending over due to a top-heavy figure, so the idea of slowly inflating a balloon in my belly is torture.  Add to it that this pregnancy has sparked some big complications with my health and it becomes torture to find clothing I know will look flattering.  I'm round in all the womanly places and the stick figure that swallowed a basketball that most designers go with to model the rare designs deemed maternity just make it a joke when trying to get an idea if something will give me a positive outcome.

A few nights ago I was perusing the web for something to cover the fact that I have gone from looking like a "well rounded woman" to a "small beached whale" and stumbled across a horrifying new trend in maternity fashion, something I can only describe as Lolita pregnancy gowns.  Not only am I fairly sure the models are all underage (this worries me on a personal level) but the dresses are seriously fashioned after what I believe are anime school girl uniforms. 

Now I'm a big fan of anime.  I will even admit to having watched some films that could be called hentai back in the days when hubby and I did not have to worry about anything animated being mistaken as "kid friendly".  What I am not a fan of... creepy stories that run right up to the line of things I think are or should be illegal and then use that to attract viewers because there are those online predators who will pay to watch that kind of smut.

Found via George Takei on Facebook.

I'm not saying all anime is evil, I am still a fan of many anime and manga series like I said before, but it should not be used as the basis for maternity fashion.

Well then what am I saying? I am saying the basis for fashion for a round bellied woman should be something comfortable and round bellied!  We're growing an entire person inside our body, that is more than difficult enough when it goes smoothly.  Add in more of those psychological pressures to be frighteningly slender and you are aiming for a new level of health risk via mental disorder.  My exact phrasing was something less direct when I posted for input from friends, but I will share it unedited.

"Fashion companies should ban the idea of a "size zero maternity model". All women feel huge and uncomfortable at some point when they are pregnant. The idea that you still have to manage to be skinny and perfect while growing an entire living person inside your body is part of the screwed up body image issues already rampant in the female psyche!"

 So this is my question to the world of women who have carried a child, do you feel like your body is being fairly represented by the models showing off the clothing you are being sold?  What would you like to see if you are not happy?  What do you think designers should know about your body while pregnant so they can offer something better for clothing and for modeling?